A Letter to my 15 Year Old Self {10 years later}

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Dear 15 year old me,
Hey girl, it's me... I mean you... 10 years later.
10 years more of your life lived, 10 years worth of crazy & beautiful experience, 10 more years of wisdom.

I want to tell you some things, some very important things. I know life right now is so strange & things seem confusing & scary. I know most of what is going on in your world makes no sense but tomorrow will be better. The day after that might suck but there is always better ones coming so always keep your head up.

Ok lets start with your friends, don't care too much what they think. Only a couple of them will still be your friends 10 years from now & the rest will seriously just be a high school memory. So all of the pressure to do what they are doing & be what they are being is silly. I promise you will be so glad you didn't give in.

Jalyssa, you are not fat, stop throwing up. It isn't going to make you more beautiful because you are so very beautiful. Your weight will be the least of your problems as the years go on & it will be so time consuming spending smooch time thinking about it. Girl I know everything around you tells you your looks matter most but let me tell you something, they really don't. Your health, your mental wellness, your personality, those things are most important so tend to them. Next time you go into that bathroom after dinner just stop, you are worth so much more than that.

Don't waste too much time on that boy. You are actually going to marry your best friend Nate & he is gong to treat you like a queen each & every day! I know, it seems weird, but what they say about boys in high school is true... They are shallow & don't really care about you. I promise you wont regret keeping your virginity so just brush off all the comments you get from people about it. Girl it will feel so great to know only your husband has known you that intimately so keep on pushing despite what people say to pressure you.

OK your parents are so great, they love you so much. Yea I know, you feel trapped because of how strict they are but one day you will be one of the only ones out of all your friends who doesn't have a world of bad experience. That purity that you carry because you "aren't ever allowed to do anything" will make you such a joyful & trusting person. So even though you feel like a square & like you're missing out I promise, you aren't. Enjoy time with your brothers & your baby sister, you won't be with them much longer.

 Oh yea, your siblings. One day you will realize they are thee best thing your parents ever gave you. All 6 of them are beautiful, unique, & great, so very great. Don't feel weird for wanting to spend time with them all the time even though your friends might not think its that cool. Love them, engage with them, appreciate them, in only 3 years you will actually move out and never live with them again. Being away from them will be one of the hardest things you will experience. 

Now I know right now you are so angry with God, you don't even really believe He exists. Ryan & auntie Lisa dying broke your heart in such a heavy way & you actually tried praying for them, a lot. It is hard & the sting of their deaths will sting for the rest of your life, but it wont break you. In just 2 years Jesus will ravish your heart & flip your entire world upside down. He will make you better, stronger, kinder. You will love people in a way you never knew possible. Just keep on believing. That brief stint of disbelief in God will make you contemplate really stupid things. 

I'm sorry to say this but you will experience so much more loss in the next 10 years. Some of the people you love the most will not be there on your 25th birthday but you will also have gained so much. You will have a husband who loves you more than his next breath. You will hold 3 beautiful, healthy, incredible sons in your arms. You will have traveled so much of the world, experienced different cultures, & most importantly, you will know the love & strength of Jesus.

Dear 15 year old me, I just want you to know that you have so much to look forward to,. You wouldn't even believe me if I told you how incredible your life will be. Absolutely none of it will be what you think, but all of it will be great. Although you will know so much heartache & so much loss over the next 10 years, God will be with you & His grace will cover you in a real way. You will be known by many for your joy & your infectious smile so please don't trade it for the attitude. You will really actually help people because of your choice to be different so stop caring that people think you are lame for not wanting to do what they are doing.

Stay strong beautiful girl, don't let anyone take your optimistic joy, keep loving people, cling to your family, & just believe in Jesus.

xoxo, your future self 

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