Friday, April 28, 2017

"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 1 Corinthians 12:9

Hola internet familia! Gosh it seems like a long time since I have typed words for this blog of mine. 
Having 3 kids was a much more difficult transition than I expected. I mean I knew it would be challenging, I did not know it would be hard as heck.

My sweet Ezrah is almost 4 months old now & I am finally... barely, getting this down. Coming home from the hospital to a 2 year old & 1 year old with a newborn in my arms was the beginning of a new & very wild journey.

So here's something I learned... Your kids do not care that you have to tend to a newborn baby. This means my potty training (now) 3 year old still has accidents. My very needy & attention loving 1.5 year old still wants all of my attention, all of the time. It's almost like no one sent them the memo that they needed to make room for their new baby brother. This means mama go loca, todos dias!

So you guys I caved. I caved so badly. I had 1 million meltdowns, I ate goldfish & graham crackers for my meals like they were going out of style, I yelled at my kids on a daily for the first time in my mothering life, & so much more. But you know what the worst part was, I ended every day completely miserable & convinced I was thee worst mother on the entire planet, & that I was so unworthy of this life.

I remember telling my husband time & time again that I wasn't good at this & geez I really believed that. 
I couldn't believe God would choose me, a truly hot mess of a scatter brained woman, to mother these 3 boys. My husband grabbed me & in the most gentle & soft tone said, "grace dove, grace."

And there I was, reminded of 1 Corinthians 12. You know the part in the bible with that thorn in Paul's side that he kept begging God to take away & God just didn't. Yea that is me. 

Begging God, "Make this easier!" 
Pleading with God, "Send help now!"
Crying for God to just. "Make me better at this!"
But God says grace... grace upon grace.

So here I am, currently...
Currently breathing in the wonderful & terrible parts of this season.
Currently listening to worship music as my kids scream & jump off couches & color walls.
Currently taking pictures & videos instead of cleaning.
Currently just holding them close no matter how "spoiled" it'll make them.
Currently on day 4 of no makeup & hot mess hair but  with joyful babies with full bellies.
Currently sitting under the umbrella of grace God has so graciously opened over me.. & you.
Currently dwelling in a pool of gratitude, a shelter of love, & a home full of beautiful mess.

(look at these beautiful pics my gifted friend Courtney took of my & my sweet Ezrah Nathaniel, I am so obsessed!)

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