Choosing to Thrive

Monday, December 19, 2016

Once upon a time I was convinced this mama & wife thing wasn't for me...

After Noah was born I just broke. I remember sitting on the couch crying just convinced that I had made a mistake by becoming a mom. It was a weird season for me because I had lost some of the people I loved most and this mom thing wasn't natural for me, not even slightly.

There would be days when I would realize I hadn't showered & my husband had to ask if I bathed my baby. MY BABY! I didn't even think to give him a bath. Gosh I loved him but it just wasn't coming natural like I saw it for some of my friends. I never complained though, I just pushed forward & had this hope it would just click one day.

And marriage... Marriage has always been a favorite thing of mine to talk about but it hasn't always felt natural either. When I became a mom I didn't get how I was supposed to be a wife. I didn't know how to clean my house & nurse my son. I had no clue how to still be relevant & feel sexy when I felt like a slave to my child.

I was convinced I was not fit for this season of life. The season my husband had always looked forward to & that was thriving in. Then one day we were driving, literally just driving because I was terrified to actually go in public with my baby, and my husband just started speaking life into me. He told me I was an excellent mother & that he was falling more in love with me seeing me be so selfless. Now I had not shared with him all of my internal struggles. I'm sure he picked up that I was struggling but I never vocalized it to him. He went on to tell me it was great for him to watch me rely on God so much because I am naturally strong. As I was listening to him talk I felt strong, in my weakness. Like God was actually capable of making me a good mom & wife in this season even when inside I felt terrible at it?! 

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Something changed for me that day, my perspective. I realized I was not a by the book mom or wife. All of these blogs, pinterest boards, how to books, my unicorn-mama friends, that was just not me. All I had to do was love my Noah & my husband like I knew how & that was exactly what they needed. It was healing to feel like I was not a mistake. My care free, super relaxed, not one to play by the rules personality was what they needed. 

Friends, that day I began to thrive. I moved forward in freedom because Jesus Christ made me this way. So here I am... Pregnant with my 3rd unplanned baby because, why not? 
Married to this sexy man for 4.5 years & seriously thrive off of not sweating the small stuff. 
My kids don't have structured play & learning time, dinner is never at the same time, I may or may not let them watch tv often, & I joke way too much.. And it's all good.

I love who I am as a wife & mama because I love who God made me to be as a woman. I love my friends who have checklists & meal plans. I love my friends who don't want kids but to just be married. I love it all because diversity is beautiful & without it this world would be awfully boring.

Thrive mama thrive, there's no one better for your job than you!
xoxo, Jalyssa


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