Pregnancy Imperfections

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Week 28 Hello 3rd Trimester
This pregnancy seems to be flying by and taking forever all at the same time. I am glad to be in the 3rd trimester and seriously glad summer is coming to an end. I am always such an "annoying pregnant lady" as most women would say. I mean I love being pregnant, always feel great, never get sick! Why not love it! 
Well these last 2 weeks I have been a downer about pregnancy all because a midwife told me my weight is not healthy and then I failed my glucose test. I immediately went into this slump and I've kinda been there ever since. I think it is because I feel like I have failed my body. I never lost the last 15lbs of weight I gained with Noah and I have already gained 20lbs this time. 
I think about things like have I let myself go? Will I always be an overweight woman? How is it for my husband because he didn't marry me this way? If I have diabetes is it because I am fat? Will my kids suffer because I will never have energy to play with them? Should I keep having kids if I am going to just get fatter and fatter? 
These thoughts have consumed my mind for 2 weeks and as I sit here in a hospital hungry and tired doing my 3 hour glucose test I can't help but feel silly. There are so many people coming in and out of here whose unborn babies are at high risk for so many problems. Some of the women I have spoken to have had several miscarriages. One lady hoping that today she will find out she is pregnant after trying for years with her husband. I am just a tad bit overweight with a slim chance of gestational diabetes. My son is in my womb completely healthy and free of any problems. My other son is at home playing with his father and they are both completely perfect and healthy. I can lose this weight and change my diet so my sugar levels aren't crazy. This mama cannot get her miscarried babies back. That mama can barely sleep at night because of the fear her 24 week old child is going to be born any moment. What has happened to my perspective?
Hello 3rd trimester. It is so nice to see you again. I am thankful that you have arrived once again because my baby is closer to being born healthy and full term. I promise I will be better to you body. I will feed you better and work you out more so you are ready to be a mama of 2 hyper boys. No more desserts ok. Oh and those carbs have got to go. But thank you for being good to me. I enjoy your strength and ability to carry these babies so well. Let's get through these last few months and come out strong. 
Im grateful for this chubby body of mine and whatever simple imperfections come along the way because the perfect babies that this body brings forth. Pregnancy is still one of my favorite seasons of life and even when it is not perfect I will never lose sight of how precious it is.

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