A Life Within...

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

I've always had an appreciation for life... Considered it precious... Valued it as something to not be taken for granted.... But I never truly understood the capacity of it's beauty and the fact that it was truly a miracle...
I married the man of my dreams and just knew one day I would be privileged to carry his children. Maybe 2, 3, even 5 years down the road of marriage. I considered the dramatic affect it would have on my body and the drastic changes it would bring to our lives. I would be a stay at home mom and I wasn't ready to give up working. I would most likely get stretch marks and I wasn't ready to retire the two piece bathing suit. I would have to revolve my entire world around a tiny little human and I was definitely not ready to put aside traveling the world and shopping for myself monthly... So the smart thing to do, not get pregnant...
One month after our one year anniversary my adorable husband bought me a gift and of course I was eager to open it and be spoiled. To my surprise, it was a pregnancy test. I laughed and told him he was silly and he told me "I think you are pregnant with my son." So I threw it in a drawer, laughed at his response, and went on about my day. The next day while he was at work I decided, out of boredom, to take that little test. Not even having to wait the dreadful three minutes the box promises, there it was. Thirty seconds later two very apparent lines. So I waited, two whole hours, and took another. This time seemed to show two lines before I even stopped peeing. Two lines screaming at me, the time has come. The time for change...
Two more boxed tests and a doctors visit later it actually hit. There is a life inside of me. My husband was filled with joy that I could not wrap my head around. His whole life was about to change and all he could say was this is what he's been waiting for. Each time I looked at him I thought about how it would never be he and I again. We wouldn't be making trips across the world spontaneously or staying up all night on the sofa bed watching action movies eating junk. All I saw was a never ending smile on his face and moisture in his eyes as he thanked God for being so gracious to us. 
Turns out I was already almost 3 months pregnant. Weeks went on and joy started to fill my heart. I started imaging when I would one day feel this baby move inside of me, see my belly grow into a giant life filled ball, and then meet my very own baby face to face. Little by little God started showing me the miracle of what was going on inside of me. I saw my belly grow little by little and I heard the heartbeat of the person who was behind the growth. Such a strong and powerful heartbeat it was. Now I had a real perspective on the miracle of life. Nothing in me could hold back the tears that filled my eyes when I heard such a beautiful sound. How could this be so, an actual heartbeat inside of me that was not mine. There was so much power in that moment and I fell head over heels in love with this child inside of me. My child! Only the size of a lemon and yet that heart was strongly beating, there was movement on the screen as if I was was carrying a kung fu kid, and he was developed enough to show that 3d ultrasound tech that he was a proud little boy. I looked over at my husband to see him biting his bottom lip tears streaming down his face and I heard the most powerful "I love you" that I have ever heard. From that moment forward my entire life changed. I began to truly understand and appreciate life...
There is something about the very first time you feel your little blessing move inside of you that just changes your perspective of life. There's something about the first time your husband feels your child move that makes your marriage so much stronger and passionate. It is a privilege to watch your stomach grow and hear the doctor say each visit that you have a strong healthy child. Such joy in watching your husband transform from your husband to the father of your child before your child is even here. What a day when you find that first stretch mark and you are a little shaken until you watch your baby move in the very area that little mark is. 
The life within has so much more power than a little mark. The joy that has filled your heart is so much stronger than the discomfort. The strength of the new bond between you and your husband is much deeper than the insecurity of a new body. The privilege and honor of being selected by God to bring an incredible child into this world is so much more incredible than and career or country visited.
The life within is what life is all about. Being blessed, not burdened, to carry a child. Your child. Such glory in pregnancy. Such beauty in the creation of life. 

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